I haven’t had this kind of feeling for the longest time and this is probably why it feels so strange. I like this boy, had quite a crush I guess. At first, nothing really happened, didn’t really have eyes for this person until some appeared-to-be “casual” moments happened and I started to notice his existence. I started reading his writings, strolling his twitter, finding out what books he likes or what music he listens to. Gosh, they’re really interesting, he’s most likely to have qualities that I always wonder why most guys don’t have. I thought that was probably just an “intellectual interest”—- like how Murakami put it in his book titled ‘After Dark’, but no, he constantly appears on my mind on daily basis and I seem to always wish to see him on campus.
I Didn’t tell any of my friends for some reasons but this kinda makes it harder. I don’t really know what to do, then I am always awkward in front of him, and he probably already has interest for another girl which is an asumption from reading his soc-meds, and lastly a friend kinda likes him too not sure if that’s something serious or anything ughh this is so not cool. I am really uncomfortable with this feeling, it feels like I am not on guard. I know it’s silly to have such a huge appeal in someone I barely know. I only had like two (or one and a half) real conversations with him, and all this are just based on my observation towards this guy. He’s so hard to read because he’s nice to literally everyone and honestly tho, I just really hate the constant urge to try reading people.
I really hate boys. Why you guys act vaguely, why don’t just state your motives like; hey im not in to you im just being nice and now lets be great friends, or even lets be best friends but I was thinking about no feelings involved. Cheers.
Or probably there’s just something wrong with me in general.